i stand by him
by Demonic Cupcakes
Summary: They could care less about what Osomatsu was doing. But when this continues for months, they can't help but raise suspicion. Where is he going? What does he do? Who is he meeting? A girlfriend, maybe? They're dead wrong when they find the truth behind all the scars on the eldest's body. (bad at summaries, story is better)
1. Big Brother

Choromatsu's gaze trailed across the length of the room, landing on the eldest brother's face. He was hopping from foot to foot, his brown eyes sparkling with excitement. There was something else mixed in there too, Choromatsu realized. Fear? _No, it can't be._ He waved the thought away, too sleepy to dwell on it any longer.

He had gone to another Nyaa-chan concert last night and had only just arrived this morning. He didn't have the energy to deal with any of his misfit brothers today, not even Osomatsu who was acting strange and suspicious yet again.

When had it started? Three, four, months ago? Osomatsu's constant excursions had raised a lot of questions & arguments at first. "Where do you go?" "What are you doing?" "Who are you meeting?" None of these had been answered and it was a surprise to see how adamant the eldest was about keeping his mouth shut.

As the days passed by, everyone had started to adjust to Osomatsu's 'schedule'. He would wake up at 9, eat and get ready by 10, and set off a half hour later.

Like right now, Choromatsu could only watch as Osomatsu swayed from side to side, his eyes constantly flickering from the open window to the clock on the wall.

"You going out again, today?"

"Yep.", the red clad Matsu answered blandly, not even taking his focus off the ticking minutes, his hands flapping against his sides. A short pause followed before he cleared his throat and spoke again, this time glancing at his brother out of the corner of his eye.

"The others are eating downstairs."

Choromatsu raised his eyebrows at this. It had been a while since the two of them had had a long, light chat; there was never enough time, considering Osomatsu's rarely at home anymore. This had lead to a painful increase of 'nothing-to-says' and awkward silences between them. Choromatsu would be lying if he said he didn't miss their childish banter and bickering together.

He looked out the window, avoiding eye contact, and replied, "Yeah, I just came through there."

"Ah."

Another pause.

" . . . You should eat too."

The third son scoffed. _Since when did he care?_

"Like _you_ should that. I mean, look at yourself."

Osomatsu really did lose some weight the past months. Not enough to raise concern, but seeing as he tended to stuff himself whenever possible, this change was something if not a shocker.

The eldest looked down, probably instinctively, and a small smile graced his features. "You worried 'bout me, Chorofappyski?"

Choromatsu just let out a frustrated groan and crashed down onto the unkempt futon that had obviously been a pain to keep away. He was usually the one to do this. _Sigh_. Where would his brothers be without him.

"Don't call me that.", he murmured into the pillow, drowsiness taking over fast.

A soft chuckle escaped Osomatsu's lips and he bent down to ruffle his little brother's hair. A gesture the others had grown accustomed to. It was done quick and playfully, although they knew there was affection and fondness behind these.

The eldest stepped out of the room and made his way down the stairs, hearing Jyushimatsu's yells from the front lawn. A great way to start the morning.

As he passed by the dining room, Karamatsu suddenly jumped out in front him, his hands on his sunglasses, striking his signature 'cool' pose.

"Good morning, _buraza_ ~. Did you have honey sweet dreams last night? Do you want to hang out with me on the roof today? Or maybe go out to pachinko? We'll do whatever you want, dear aniki."

Osomatsu forced a smile, irritation building up. He needed to be at the meeting spot on time. He really didn't want to deal with an annoying delay in his perfect kept schedule.

Nevertheless, he tapped his brother lightly on the shoulder, saying, "As painful as always. Not today, though, maybe I'll entertain you some other time, Karamatsu." And with that, he stepped over the man, making his way out the door briskly, not noticing the wistful look on the latter's face.

Karamatsu sighed as heard the soft thud of the wood, announcing his elder brother's leave. He was hoping to get some alone time with him today, maybe even figure out what was going on. But of course, this had happened.

He couldn't even remember the number of attempts he tried to convince Osomatsu to open up. He had actually begged him once, embarrassingly true story, but hey, he was getting desperate. He would give up every bit of his dignity if it meant securing the safety of his brothers.

"No luck again today?"

The addressed looked into the direction of the voice to where Todomatsu was typing into his smartphone, a bored look on his face. "Why don't you give up, already? You know, he's not gonna break any time soon."

Karamatsu pulled his lips into a smirk, huffing, "Heh. I would like to think of it as my duty to look after my family and to know about their whereabouts. We are brothers, after all, and it would be strange if I didn't know where one of them-."

"Shut up, Kusomatsu."

"Heh."

The fourth son got to his feet and made his way to the door, shooting Karamatsu a murderous look before going out to play with Jyushimatsu. He could care less about what the eldest brother was doing. As long as it didn't concern him, he didn't want to take any part in finding out.

Albeit, he did spare Karamatsu's crumbling mask of confidence a sideways glance just as he stepped out onto the grass.

* * *

The day had gone by quickly.

Choromatsu had woken up at noon, deeming his mother's cookies sufficient enough for a full meal. The others had decided to stay home today too, laziness dripping from their systems.

Lately, none of them had the motivation to go out. It was usually Osomatsu who came up with things to do and places to go. Since his lack of presence, the NEETs seldom visit the pachinko parlors and the horse races anymore, although Chibita's was somewhere they always seem to stumble upon at dusk.

"My NEETs, dinner is ready!"

The five brothers all assembled around the table, random banter flying here and there. Matsuyo's food tonight was as delicious as always.

She settled onto her own table with her husband, looking at her sons with a soft smile on her face. They were already in their twenties, but she couldn't help but see them as the little, mischievous kids from the past. Even though she would have loved to see them grow up to be more successful, she couldn't help but feel sad at the thought of them leaving her.

"Is Osomatsu-niisan not eating with us again tonight?" Jyushimatsu shouted at no one in particular, his hands grabbing at whatever food was on the table.

The others just shrugged and stuffed their faces with the heavenly pork that their mother had prepared.

It was just then that the door had opened, unusually soft, as if the guest didn't want his entrance heard. Everyone's ears perked up at the slight sound, staring at the fleeting form of their older brother who was scurrying towards the staircase.

"Osomatsu! Where do you think you're going? Eat your dinner before it gets cold!"

"Maybe later!"

"I'll get him, _mommy_."

"Please."

Karamatsu climbed the stairs to their bedroom, the door open just a crack. He listened to the noise his brother was making, seeming as if he was running from one end of the room to the other.

He peeked, catching sight of Osomatsu by the closet, hurriedly applying a band aid onto the side of his face. His face.

It was all bruised up, blotches of painful blue and purple on pale skin. His eye was swollen shut. His lip was bruised and bleeding. Even his nose was dripping blood onto the front of his already red hoodie.

Before he could think, Karamatsu stomped towards him, anger visible as he grabbed the hood of Osomatsu's jacket and dragging him all the way to where the others were still eating.

It had happened so fast that Osomatsu couldn't even react, his hands still gripping the box of band aids.

It was only when they reached the doorframe that he started to struggle and scream at Karamatsu to let him go, curses and insults echoing into the air.

Karamatsu flipped him around to make him face their parents, the others staring wide-eyed at the sudden intrusion. It had been a while since they saw the second son this mad.

What was more shocking was the beaten up form of Osomatsu who had ducked his head, trying to uselessly hide his bleeding face.

"I am not intending to let go until you tell us whatever the fuck is going on, Osomatsu. Right here, in front of everyone."


	2. Exorcism

The atmosphere had dropped, silence worming its way into Osomatsu's dreaded ears. He was getting awfully attracted to the floor beneath him, but he just couldn't bear to look his family in the eye, not after they've seen him in this pathetic state.

He had been in numerous fights back in high school, always coming home with a bruised lip or a black eye. But that was in high school when they made sure not to punch too hard, or kick too high. Right now, he looked as if he had been run over by some garbage truck over and over again. It didn't help that his clothes were soiled and ripped in various spots.

Just when he thought he couldn't stand the quiet any longer, his mother let out a low sigh, disappointment evident in that one breathe of air. "What have you been doing lately, Osomatsu?"

The eldest pursed his hurting lip, feeling the iron taste of blood drip onto his tongue. Gods, he really didn't want to be here. Gods, he really wished he had been more careful. Gods, he really wished he hadn't done something so stupid. His mother wasn't the only person he had managed to piss off today. In fact, his list also consisted of Choromatsu, Karamatsu, some street thugs, and. And him. GODS, he was so stupid.

"Osomatsu, tell me, where are you always going to? What is there to do every day? This is more than just some little hobby, I assume?"

He peeked through his bangs and caught a quick glance at Matsuyo who sat at the table, face pulled tight into a scowl. His father was seated across her, his expression similar to that of his wife's. He couldn't recall when his parents had become this serious and mad. Even when they were just messing around, they never truly got angry at any one of them.

But no matter what happens, no matter how much pressure he gets pulled under, he was not going to budge. He just can't risk sharing his little dirty secret. He would rather die by _his_ hands than let his family know what messy acts he had been doing lately. They would disown him.

"Osoma-"

"It was just a little squabble." His voice was wobbly, hesitation clear as day. He mentally scolded himself for being so nervous and panicky.

Matsuyo then opened her mouth to speak, her brows furrowed and eyes glinting dangerously. Hundreds of speculations and guesses crossed her mind as she looked at her disheveled son, trying her best to read his mind.

The red clad Matsu could only wait in agony, wanting everything to just end. His brothers were being unusually quiet tonight, none of them wanting to have a say in this argument between a mother and son.

Funny how when they were kids they would always back one another up, always improvising and coming up with excuses to rescue one of their own. It didn't matter whose fault it was, if one of the brothers had to take the blame, all of them would pin it on someone else, most likely poor Chibita.

But as they aged into their adulthood, their messed up unity and brotherly support began to gradually fray, most of the times leaving one to fend for his own whenever some trouble arises.

Osomatsu couldn't help but feel a bit sad when he reminisced about the past. He may refer to his brothers as his enemies, but if he was being truly honest about himself, he knew he was actually pretty grateful for them.

He heard his mother sigh and mentally slapped himself. His flashbacks would be of no use in a situation like this. He needed to find a way out.

"Mom, it really isn't anything serious. _Really_. Just some gangsters who threatened me for cash, and I got impatient with them. Unfortunately I got outnumbered. End of story" He tried for a smile, looking up at his parents and hoping they got the message that he didn't want to talk about this at all. He was exhausted and irritated, and he just wanted to tuck himself into bed.

Another wave of disappointment graced his mother's face and he waited for a more wrath-filled interrogation but was relieved when he saw her shake her head slightly.

"At least eat your dinner."

With that, he roughly pulled himself away from Karamatsu and seated himself next to Choromatsu who was staring at him with narrowed eyes that he promptly avoided. He grabbed a plate and caught Jyushimatsu's eye from across the table. He still had that wide, unbreakable grin on his face despite the interruption of the meal. Gods, as the eldest, he should be the one who knew most about what made his little brothers tick, but with the fifth son? He could never quite solve his mystery.

He cracked a mirthful grin at him and the yellow Matsu, as impossible as it seemed, smiled even wider. He proceeded to grab random food from the plates, all the while shouting random baseball terms that made no sense. Osomatsu was grateful for his little brother's attempt at trying to lighten up the mood.

Dinner continued on as if nothing had happened. Osomatsu only half-listened to Totty's complains about his manager and something about decreasing his pay. Karamatsu occasionally spouted random English words for no particular reason, getting hit more than once by Ichimatsu who was gritting his teeth in annoyance. Jyushimatsu would run from one end of the room to the other, shouting, "MUSCLE, MUSCLE, HUSTLE, HUSTLE!"

But with everything that had happened tonight, and no matter how hard the others tried to make it seem as if the little squabble between the eldest and their mother hadn't happened, Choromatsu couldn't help but peek at him out of the corner of his eye. Something had happened today, something more serious than Osomatsu would let on.

He knew that his brother was capable of fighting for himself, him being the most adept at combat out of all of them. He wouldn't lose easily, not to a bunch of the so-called "gangsters" he had described earlier. He had not been in a fight, Choromatsu was sure of that. But he couldn't really think of other scenarios for his brother to come in this battered state.

He forced another spoon of soup into his dry mouth, trying to swallow down the curiosity and concern (although, he would of course never admit it) along with it.

Osomatsu woke up especially early the next morning, stepping over his still sleeping brothers to get to where his regular clothes were. It was a little over 8 o' clock and he still had plenty of time on his hands, but he didn't want to take another risk. He gently thumbed the band aid across his cheek, remembering how the deep wound was inflicted upon him just yesterday. He shuddered. He really didn't need gruesome reminders in the morning.

He got changed and headed downstairs, careful to slide noiselessly across the kitchen doorway where his mother was cooking to get to the main entrance. He let out a breath he didn't know he was holding when he managed to slip past their residence's fence. With the many times he had to sneak out for the last few months, he had learned a few tricks here and there to not getting caught.

The streets in the early morning were mostly empty, considering it was a Saturday, with only a handful of people going about their business. The shops had already opened and as Osomatsu approached Totoko's fish store, he snuck a quick glance through the display window, spotting the Yowais already behind the counter, his love interest nowhere in sight. Still in bed like his brothers, maybe.

He couldn't remember the rest of the walk towards his destination with the thoughts of last night still bouncing around in his jumbled brain. He had to force himself to snap out of his cringe-worthy flashbacks to direct his attention towards the dilapidated warehouse he was now standing in front of.

He understood why this place was chosen to be their so-called 'hideout'.

It was huge, taking up at most half of a football stadium, but despite its size, the atmosphere it gave off would make anyone, even the toughest of punks, turn away. Holes perforated the rundown roof, paint peeling off from what was once maroon walls. The wood hammered onto the windows, most likely to keep unwanted visitors away, was useless, as most of it was either torn apart or chewed away by termites and other insects. Even the yard was littered with garbage bags, neighbors too impatient to wait for the collection. Osomatsu had to look carefully at where he was stepping to avoid the unidentifiable pieces of junk. The door itself was big and looming, but over the course of a few months, he'd grown used to the warehouse's gloomy aura, sometimes even finding comfort in it.

He stepped over the crumbling threshold and blinked rapidly. The warm sun from outside was a huge contrast to the darkness he was currently encompassed in. As his eyes adjusted to the absence of light, he could slowly make out the silhouettes of random objects stacked haphazardly around the length of the place.

His eyes landed on the figure of a tall man moving in the shadows, his back towards him. The dull light that came from a door at the corner of the warehouse illuminated the slightly brown checkered suit he was wearing, his dark hair blending in with the dimness around him.

Osomatsu was never a person of poise and delicacy. He brightened up, skipping his way over to the unknowing man and tapped him on the shoulder. "Hey Tougou!"

The latter slightly jumped in surprise and glared down at the twenty-year old, irritation expressed openly on his sharp features. He had these narrow eyes that always seemed to be either smiling or calculating. His pointed teeth were similar to that of a shark's, ready to chomp on whatever prey he managed to catch (metaphorically, of course). He must have been deemed handsome when he was younger, but now, time and work has deepened the wrinkles on his skin.

"What are you doing here so early?" Tougou's deep, rough voice made the younger's heart skip a beat and he tried to hide his nervousness. Despite the numerous times he's worked with the man, Osomatsu could never really stay calm around him. He wasn't oblivious to his strange feelings towards him. He knew that he held some affection, although it really was morbid and uncanny.

He couldn't remember the first time he looked at Tougou in a different way, as someone more than just an escaped criminal, and a scary one at that. He never quite thought that something like this would happen, seeing as their first few meetings scared and angered the hell out of him.

But who could blame him for running away when the man who traumatized his childhood suddenly pulled him into a dark alleyway, a very familiar knife at his throat?

It was from that point on that Tougou had taken Osomatsu in as his new "partner", assisting him on dangerous acts, all the while threatening to hurt him and his family. The latter had taken the job as he had no choice and feared for both his and his loved ones' lives, but as the days had gone by, Tougou's warnings had begun to lose its promise. They would waved away by a flick of carefree hand, or a lazy smirk.

"I thought that maybe if you see my face this early in the morning, the rest of your day would be just as _gorgeous_!"

"Tch. _What_ gorgeous? There's nothing more hideous than seeing that annoying, shit-eating grin of yours. Besides, it's a Saturday. We don't work on Saturdays."

"Aw, don't act so tough~ I know you love me! And can't I just hang out with you outside of work? Why don't we go somewhere fun today? I have a good feeling about the horse ra -"

"No. I'm exhausted. I haven't even eaten anything. Now, go away."

Osomatsu looked into the room where Tougou was currently residing in. It was small, with only a bed, a table, and a door that led to a small bathroom. But it was good enough. This warehouse is the only place where the police won't think to investigate, since it was pretty far from the city itself and because of Osomatsu's rumors about the said convict still lurking there. Besides, the city's police force wasn't exactly an outstanding one.

On the table were plastic bags that contained convenient store meals, most of them already opened and spilling onto the wood.

"You're going to die soon if you keep eating this junk, old man."

"Don't tell me what to do. And don't call me that. And leave me alo-"

"Alright, it's settled then! Let's go to the horse races! And don't worry about money, it's my treat! Ohhh, I can't wait for today's results! I've already got some numbers in mind, and I'm feeling pretty lucky today. After this, we're gonna be so rich, you don't even have to eat disgusting fatty foods anymore!"

"I said, I'm not go-"

"Of course, if we don't win, we can always just resort to the good 'ol trend of mugging innocent civilians by threatening them at knife point. Knife point? Can I say that? I mean, you don't use a gun, and knife point seems more appropriate, but whatever, I guess. That reminds, why _don't_ you use a gun?"

"Kid, you're getting on my ner-"

"Oh yeah, you _do_ seem to prefer dealing with people at close quarters. Actually, all street thieves really _would_ choose a knife over a gun. But guns are cool, don't you think? Hey, do you think _I_ can get one? That would be awesome! Hey, why don't you give me a weapo-"

" _I SAID SHUT THE FUCK UP!"_

The fist that connected with his still sore cheek rattled his skull and the next thing he knew, he was on the ground, blinking stars out of his eyes.

It took some time to register what actually happened, and when he finally did, he brought a hand to his face and gently poked at the skin. He flinched. Karamatsu had done such a good job patching it up for him last night, and now, here he was, another injury to add to several others.

His eyes started to water and he bit his lip. He didn't want to cry. He didn't cry a single tear yesterday, even with the many beatings he had endured, so why is that he felt so much more pain now? And it hurt _so fucking much_.

The ground below him started to blur, and as the first few drops fell, Tougou let out an exasperated sigh. Osomatsu heard his strangely uneven footsteps heading towards the warehouse's front door, the hinges creaking as he opened them. Sunlight streamed in, along with the sounds of the bustling city from far away.

"I'm going out for a bit."

And with that, the place was once again drowned in darkness.

The next morning, when Osomatsu came back, he found Tougou missing. This wasn't anything new. He probably had some business he wanted to care of by himself.

What _was_ new was the package that greeted him when he opened the door.

The object was wrapped in parchment paper, a thin red ribbon holding it together. A tag hung off the end and written on it in nearly illegible writing were the words, "For the brat"

Osomatsu opened the supposed gift to see the glinting blade of a newly bought pocketknife.

A small smile crept onto his lips.

"Why can't he just be honest with himself?"


	3. Maegamist

Ichimatsu's own paranoia began to rise along with the third son's obvious worry and panic, as he paced around the room, lips set in a thin line and brows furrowed. The bag of Nyaa-chan merchandise he had bought a few days ago were scattered recklessly on the floor, one certain figurine staring up at him by his feet.

Ichimatsu never understood why his brother was so into this silly idol. She was just some cute, wannabe feline girl. Real, tangible, fluffy cats were way better. Although, of course, if he didn't have a death wish, he would never say this aloud.

" _I just can't figure it out!"_

Choromatsu plopped down, his glowering eyes stuck to the ceiling. After another few moments of silent contemplation, he yelled in exasperation again, pulling at his hair and rolling on the floor. Ichimatsu could only watch at the exhausted form as he threw his tantrum.

He finally calmed down long enough to give Ichimatsu a long, hard stare. The other flinched noticeably and looked away, mumbling, "What?"

"Don't you have any guesses at all? Like, anything? _At all?_ I'm getting desperate here, and although it looks pretty impossible, I know I'm not the only one in this family that's got a brain."

Ichimatsu glared back at him, mumbling incoherently. With all the mumbling he does, Choromatsu was wondering if he was instead, throwing silent curses and voodoo magic under his breath. He avoided eye contact again, this time looking down between his feet.

He may seem to not give a care about the current situation they were in, but really, Ichimatsu was just as curious as the rest of his brothers. And seeing the eldest come home bruised and bleeding, he may even feel the concern from deep within. The concern he was trying so hard to push back into the darkest recesses of his otherwise messed up conscience.

He _did_ have a few guesses. But he didn't want to share them. He had grown up to become such a pessimist, someone who was a lot different from other people in the way of thinking. He didn't want his brothers to look at him weirdly when he voiced his own opinions in this matter. Not that he was self-conscious around them, but more of because his idea was probably too far-fetched and could probably trigger a lot of bad memories. He didn't want some jinx happening.

"I don't know."

Silence befell them for a couple more minutes before Choromatsu sighed and got up from his place on the ground. The green Matsu certainly did look like he had gone a week without sleeping. The strands of hair sticking out from either side of his head was as unusual and out of place as the dark bags under his drowsy eyes. Choromatsu always made sure to look neat and presentable, even if he just stayed in for the day. Seeing him like this definitely made Ichimatsu feel all weird and squirmy.

Choromatsu made his way to door and began to close it behind him. He paused, as if remembering something, and turned around to spare a glance at his brother hunched in the corner. Ichimatsu was surprised to see the look of pity on his face, but before he could say anything, he had looked away and said quietly,

"Ichimatsu, you aren't the only one thinking of some _other_ unlikely scenarios . . . I wonder when we had stopped telling each other everything."

And with that, the door closed, leaving the fourth brother alone to dig up old memories.

"We're going to follow him!"

The four looked up at the painful man who had one foot on the table, his right hand raised high in the air. His sunglasses hid a rather smug look on his face, as if he was proud for having come up with such an idea. And he was.

Up until somebody (Totty, most likely) vetoed and debated against it, reminding him that they've already done that months ago. And failed. Karamatsu's confidence began to waver as he recalled the time when they all had stalked the eldest, determined to find out his secret.

Everything had started pretty well. They all had their spying acts on, scarves wrapped around their faces (rather uselessly) and as they tiptoed their way through town, hope began to rise amongst them.

It wasn't until they had reached an alleyway that their target sped up. He had zoomed through the streets, weaving his way through the slowly converging crowds, as the brothers did their best to keep their eyes on the red hoodie. Despite being a good-for-nothing NEET, Osomatsu was fast and agile.

They had been so focused on keeping up with him that when somebody had tripped and yelled for the rest to stop (Totty, again), they had already lost track of the eldest. They went home empty-handed, tired and hungry from all the running.

With this nice little experience in mind, everyone went back to what they were doing, albeit reluctantly. Karamatsu could only watch as his little brothers turned their backs on him, feeling as if his chest was pricked by a thousand tiny needles.

He sighed and sat down beside Todomatsu, resting his forehead on the table. Totty peeled an orange, offering it to him. He took it listlessly, turning it over in his palm and feeling the sweet juice drip down onto his skin.

He loved oranges. He loved eating it with his brothers. He loved his brothers. He wasn't oblivious to their obvious maltreatment towards him. But he didn't care. It didn't matter what they do to him, and how many times they do it, they were family. And without family, Karamatsu wasn't sure what he would do. He couldn't imagine being born into the world an only child. It was strange and weird to even think about it.

But now, he could clearly see how their bonds were slowly fraying, the cracks in the glass at a risk of expanding. He couldn't remember the last time he had noticed how they started to distance themselves from each other, up to the point of keeping secrets. He even had a few of his own.

Karamatsu knew they were adults, he knew they were their own person. They may be sextuplets but that didn't mean they were robots or clones. But it just didn't sit well with him to see one of them so reluctant to hide something obviously huge enough to make an impact on the whole family.

Sometimes, he just wished he could go back to the good old days, back when they were all too ignorant and naïve to truly understand what the world was made of.

He perked up. And maybe he could. He couldn't reverse time, but maybe he could fix their current situation, maybe they all had a chance to live normally (as normal as they could be) again. If he could only find a solution to all of this misunderstanding and conflict, maybe he could tighten the bonds that held them all together. Another chance at becoming truly whole again.

"We're going to follow him."

He said this with conviction, leadership ringing clear in his strong tone. The others looked up abruptly, more so surprised at the second eldest's rare show of control. They started looking amongst each other, hesitation evident on their faces.

Jyushimatsu's smile widened and he slammed a hand down on the table, yelling, "LET'S DO IT!"

Karamatsu flinched at the loud sound, knowing that Osomatsu was still downstairs, probably still eating.

The blue Matsu had actually planned this yesterday and woke the others up early today, around the same time Osomatsu did. The eldest had looked at him with suspicion when he saw him awake, asking, "Isn't it a bit too early?" to which he had replied, "I planned to go to the horse races today with everyone else. Of course, you're more than welcome to join us, dear burazah."

He had, unsurprisingly, been rejected. He also had to deal with four other angry complains and whines. The Matsunos were not known to be morning birds.

"SSSSHHH! Keep it down, Osomatsu-niisan might hear you," Totty said, desperately keeping his hand over Jyushimatsu's abnormally, wide mouth in an attempt to keep him from yelling any more.

His eyes were sparkling as he looked at Karamatsu, his lips pursed tight, as if he didn't know what to do. But he finally sighed and said, "Fine. Just this one last time."

"I'm coming with you," said Choromatsu who was slowly nodding his head, although it seemed as if his mind was preoccupied with a few other concerns.

They all turned to the fourth son who had scooted even more so closely to the wall, his hand still stroking his long time cat friend. He shrunk as he felt their stares on him, unsure of what to say. He didn't want them to see how willing he was to go with them. He had a fucking reputation to keep. But it didn't seem as if the rest were going to go, not until they had an answer.

" . . . Whatever."

That was when the front door slammed shut, announcing the departure of their eldest brother. They all got up to their feet and ran to the window, looking over each other to peek at the fading form of red on the street below.

Karamatsu was the first to run all the way downstairs, yelling, "We can't lose him this time!"

It was summer and hot. Todomatsu was already regretting his decision. He never should've gone out. This was a terrible idea. If Osomatsu didn't want his secret to be found out, then they should just stay of his business. There would be no one else to blame but him if he got stuck in a certain fishy situation.

But here he was now, his hair swept up in all different directions and his damp, pink hoodie sticking to his sweaty skin. Why the fuck was he wearing a hoodie in summer anyway? He mentally face-palmed, scolding himself harshly.

His other brothers were in the same state as him, heaving and panting, smelly and hot. Karamatsu, who was supposed to act as the leader in this little act, had already laid down flat on his back, ignoring the stares he was getting from the disturbed civilians around them. Where had all the energy from earlier gone? Totty would've smacked him hard right now if he wasn't as exhausted as he was.

"HUSCLE, HUSCLE! MUSCLE, MUSCLE! C'MON KARAMATSU-NIISAN, LET'S GET GOING!"

They stared at the jumping yellow blob of hyperactivity, his arms wiggling like tentacles in the air. He didn't seem to be tired at all. Totty wished he had stamina like Jyushimatsu. He never had to go to gym again.

Karamatsu let out one last deep breath before getting to his feet again and leading the group out of the alley they were currently in. With a few groans and complains, the group followed, their pace slower than before. Akatsuka-sensei, Osomatsu could walk like hell if he really tried. It couldn't be called fucking walking anymore.

Todomatsu had his eyes on the ground, his vision getting blurrier by the second, when Ichimatsu who was in front of him suddenly stopped.

"Hey! What do you think yo-"

"WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU THINK YOU'RE DOING?!"

Totty looked up to see that Karamatsu had turned into a corner and now stood face to face with Osomatsu. Who did not seem happy at all. The anger on the eldest's face surprised (maybe even scared?) him, seeing as it took quite a lot to get him seriously mad. It had been so long to see him like this, facial features scrunched tightly, eyes glowering dangerously.

Todomatsu saw Karamatsu back up a little, hands up in a sort of placating way. This only seemed to infuriate the elder more, as he had pulled him by the wrist into the dark alley, shouting at the rest to follow him. They did without a second doubt. There was no need to make this situation even more complicated and difficult.

They lined up around the steaming Osomatsu, eyes looking at everywhere but him. The atmosphere was suffocating, the tension so thick you could cut it with a knife.

"What are you guys doing?"

The quiet tone was laced with bitterness and distrust. Todomatsu knew this had been a bad idea. Ugghh, and he _had_ to get sucked up into Karamatsu's motivation.

The said Matsu cleared his throat awkwardly before saying, "Uhh, we were actually on our way to the horse races, dear burazah, and we sa-"

"Cut that bullshit."

Karamatsu audibly gulped as the glare he received from Osomatsu practically froze him. Out of all the horrible experiences the second eldest had endured, it was only in this moment that Todomatsu pitied him.

"Uuhhh . . . W-we actually got worried about you, niisan. I-I mean, wh-who wouldn't, right? Seeing your own brother disappearing every day to god knows where?"

It was at that point when Todomatsu realized how scared and guilty he was. To hear Karamatsu say "niisan" to Osomatsu was a rare thing, and it definitely had to be felt in that moment alone. Totty could only hope this honorific could at least calm the eldest down a bit.

A few minutes passed with no one saying anything. The hustle and bustle of the city had faded to white noise, the alleyway echoing the sounds. Not even Jyushimatsu was moving. This was a once in a lifetime thing to see the sextuplets all together being silent. It was definitely not normal.

Osomatsu finally sighed and looked at the café across the street. "Whatever. Just go home and don't ever do this kind of shit again, ya hear?" The anger in his eyes didn't quite match the calm tone of his casual voice. Todomatsu applauded him for not breaking and hurting Karamatsu. He didn't know what he would do if a fight did occur. Have the police arrest them, probably.

"Sorry, niisan."

Apologies arose from the rest as they averted their gaze. Osomatsu took out a cigarette and a lighter, flicking it open to light the stick. He inserted it between his lips and took in a deep breath, taking it out again to exhale the gray line of smoke.

"I'll be going now."

And with that he walked out onto the pavement, giving them one last wave before making his way to wherever he would be going. Like he didn't care. Like they didn't really matter anymore. Like they were just another annoying thing to check off on his absurd schedule.

Todomatsu had always held some resentment for his brothers. He had sometimes even wished he had been born an only child.

But it wasn't until today that he had learned what loneliness felt like.


	4. Suuji

"Nice snag ya got there."

The bag he held in his hand jingled pleasantly as he skipped his way over to Tougou who had lit a cigarette. He still had the stupid suit on, looking ridiculously like someone from a detective movie, especially with the streetlight illuminating his tight expression.

Osomatsu stopped with a last hop to his step and grinned widely, shaking the bag in front of him. The clatter of metal against metal reverberated across the silent street, earning him a warning glance from the elder man. He had always hated Osomatsu making random, unnecessary noise. Well, it seems as if he hated Osomatsu _himself,_ but the Matsu hoped otherwise.

Tougou took the bag from him sharply and loosened the drawstring that pulled it shut. His calculating eyes rolled back and forth as he accessed the items inside, Osomatsu all the while smiling and rocking on his heels.

He felt quite confident today, thanks to the protest rally that had been going on over by downtown. He couldn't really remember what it was about (some political corruption bullshit that he didn't care about, seeing as he didn't really own the money he needed to pay for tax). But that hardly mattered. It had been the perfect opportunity to snatch some valuable goodies with people distracted.

Tougou shoved the bag into one of his suit pockets, but not before picking out a certain gold bracelet and tossing it over to Osomatsu. He fumbled to catch it, surprised that he was getting his pay early. But even more so surprised because of the fact that Tougou always exchanged the things they've stolen for cold hard cash.

"It's not even the end of the week yet." He fiddled with the accessory, running his thumb over the swirly designs carved on the (most likely real) gold. He was proud of himself for having stolen something as expensive as this, although it was inappropriate to think like that. _I've truly become a criminal over the course of just a couple months._ But really, he had become so accustomed to this kind of act, that he had just stopped caring all together.

"It's not your pay."

Osomatsu perked up, confused and curious. He saw the slight twitch in Tougou's eyebrows as he averted his gaze and looked down towards the streets beyond. It was getting darker by the second, the lights of the buildings starting to illuminate the shadows. This city may be small, but it _was_ a city, and what would a city be without its city lights?

"I said, it's not your pay."

Silence settled in for a couple of beats as Osomatsu tried to process what Tougou had just said. _It's not my pay? Then why did he- . . . Oh._

He felt his cheeks burn slightly and his stomach did a few turns. He clutched the bracelet, tight enough that it might even leave a mark later.

". . . Is this supposed to be a gift?"

Osomatsu ducked his head down even further, ready for some kind of blow to the head, or a painful retort, claiming he was foolish to even think of that sort of reason.

But he only heard a tiny scoff, too quiet to be considered a mocking one. He looked up to see that Tougou had completely turned away, his eyes shielded by the shadows and biting his lower lip.

Realization began to dawn on him.

Osomatsu's heart nearly jumped out of his chest in sheer ecstasy. He couldn't remember a time when he had been this happy. It felt as if the world had slowed down, everything else blurry except for the man who was currently standing in front of him, his features so clear and in high definition. Nothing else mattered at that moment.

He let out a short whoop of delight and jumped up to hug the slightly embarrassed Tougou, swinging his arms around his neck. He groaned, looking as if he was already regretting his decision, as he tried to pry the younger off roughly. The struggle left a few scratches on Osomatsu's face, but he didn't care, his huge smiled ever present despite the other's irritated demands.

The sounds of their bickering were drowned out by the city's nightly noise, cars and people zooming past them. Osomatsu held the bracelet to his chest all the way home, not intending to let go. Of the jewelry, or his blooming love for Tougou.

The house was quiet. Unusually quiet. Awkwardly quiet. Especially in a house where a family of eight lived, six of these being useless, trashy, NEETS. It was quiet.

The proposal had set them all off, none of them quite sure of what to say to the woman who was waiting patiently for their opinions. She looked so calm, with her arms crossed and an indifferent look on her face. But Jyushimatsu knew. That behind the mask Matsuyo wore, was a mother who was scared to death for the safety of one of her sons.

Jyushimatsu was also scared. He loved his brothers very much, and despite how far they've grown apart, he knew that they could never really live without one another. They weren't meant to be alone.

This thought brought back a few memories of the last time they've tried to live separately, the last time they've tried to leave home. Unconsciously, he rubbed his stomach, remembering the swift and sharp kick that sent him flying across the room. It had hurt, more so emotionally than physically.

He remembered repeatedly saying he was fine after the incident, but he could never quite get the look of his elder brother's face out of his mind. He had been so furious, it was evident in the way his brows were scrunched together, his teeth baring angrily and practically growling. But this wasn't what had bothered Jyushimatsu.

It was the fear and desperation in Osomatsu's usually carefree and mirthful eyes that kept prodding at him.

After that incident, whenever he was alone with the eldest, he always felt a little nervous and afraid that he might do something wrong. He had always wanted to comfort him, saying they would never leave him, because the others couldn't really make their way through the world alone either. _I am them, and they are me._ Wasn't this their unspoken motto?

" -'nt that too harsh? I mean, we aren't kids anymore, you know?"

Jyushimatsu shook his head slightly, trying to get a grip on the current issue they were dealing with. No point in trying to dwell on painful memories. He shoved them all way to the back of his head, mentally telling them to stay put.

"Yeah, but it _could_ be some sort of solution, albeit a temporary one."

Todomatsu had spoken, pointedly looking towards Choromatsu who had his lips pursed, weighing the consequences of the proposal they were given. It was a tough thing to consider, and it clearly seemed to drain him of energy just thinking about it. Jyushimatsu just wanted all of this to be over and play baseball happily with all of them again.

"But, what would _he_ think?"

This time Karamatsu reasoned out, not meeting anyone's eyes. The stalking incident clearly unnerved him, and when they had gotten home that day, he had even proclaimed that he would never do such a thing again. It was obvious he didn't want to get involved in something that could cause Osomatsu to lash out at him anytime soon.

Matsuyo cleared her throat and everyone turned to her. She focused on Karamatsu who squirmed in his seat, clearly not liking the look of determination on his mother's face.

"I'll be responsible for setting this up. All you boys have to do is act as lookouts."

The room was silenced once again, and Jyushimatsu began to sway his body to his sides, not knowing what to do in this situation. He was never really that good in offering up his own opinions; whatever the others thought up of (most likely either Osomatsu's or Choromatsu's plans) he just goes along with it. Besides, their ideas were always fun and engaging. He didn't mind.

The others seemed to be in the same state as him. Wanting to say something, but not sure if their answers would be acceptable.

Finally, Choromatsu drew in a breath and opened his mouth, but before he could do so, the front door opened, bringing in a gust of wind with it. The shuffle of feet could be heard as it approached the family room where everyone was currently in.

The eldest poked his head through the door, eyes sparkling and mouth set in a seemingly permanent smile. His hair was slightly ruffled, his face littered in tiny scratches, but other than that, his whole form seemed to glow with happiness.

"Hey, what's for dinner?"

He took the seat beside Choromatsu, Jyushimatsu taking notice of the extra skips in his steps. _Something good must've happened today . . . Happy Osomatsu-niisan is no doubt the best!_

Osomatsu picked up his chopsticks and muttered thanks, completely ignoring the looks he was earning from his family. He began to stuff himself silly with the beef stew laid out before him, not taking a break from all the chewing and swallowing.

That was when Jyushimatsu noticed the bracelet. It was beautiful, intricate vine-like designs carved into the seemingly real gold. It shined, rather painfully, whenever it got hit by the dining room light. Jyushimatsu was mesmerized; he's never actually seen real gold in real life before, but for some reason, he knew this wasn't a fake.

The others seemed to have noticed too, because they all had their eyes on the jewelry, the questions in their minds seen clearly on their confused faces. _Is that real gold? Did he buy it? Did someone give it to him? Who?_

It was their mother who voiced out, her tone devoid of any emotion, "Where did you get that bracelet, Osomatsu?"

The red Matsu didn't seem to hear, completely indulged in finishing his evening meal. His little sounds of delight were all that filled the room, everyone's eyes still glued on the gold that circled his wrist.

"Osomatsu." This time, irritation was present in the simple statement, the atmosphere of the room growing noticeably colder. Their mother truly was a terrifying force to be reckoned with. And nobody wanted to deal with it.

Osomatsu finally heaved a huge sigh and put down his plate. He slowly turned towards Matsuyo but his gaze was focused on everywhere but her. Even the toughest of the sextuplets didn't want to anger the very person who gave birth to all of them.

"What?"

"Where did you get that bracelet?"

The eldest opened his mouth and closed it just as fast. Unconsciously, he thumbed the gold, his eyes skimming the floor. The once happy vibe before was replaced with nervousness that doubled by the minute.

It wasn't like he was terrible at lying. In fact, he could make up the most believable, smart lies in a second (which is something he probably shouldn't be proud of). But in this situation where his lack of presence at home is already put under suspicion, there was just no other way to go around this but to tell the truth. That he had been meeting with an old family friend for the past few months. Not to mention the fact that this very man was the same one that tried to kidnap (possibly kill?) him when he was just 10 years old.

But he obviously just couldn't say this like it would be something the entire family would simply accept. No way. Osomatsu would rather go and accompany Karamatsu in his quest to conquer Karamatsu girls than to admit that he was in love with a 40 (50?) year old criminal.

Jyushimatsu saw the turmoil broiling in his older brother's face and secretly prayed that he would finally just spill the beans. He was never the patient type. He always wanted to be on the move, and all this waiting and secrets was something he had to deal with for months; it really fucking exhausted, maybe even a little bit angered him.

"I-it's from a - a friend."

"Osomatsu-niisan, you don't have friends."

"Y-YES I DO! How mean of you guys to assume that your nii-san doesn't have any-"

"Seriously, though, besides, Chibita, Iyami, and a few others, _what_ friends? I'm pretty sure you didn't get that bracelet from them though, it looks too fucking expensive."

"Ha-Hatabou is rich!"

"You didn't get that from him."

"HOW WOULD YOU KNOW?!"

"Niisan, just come clean and tell us what you've been doing. It's really annoying everyone."

"Awww, Totty, I didn't know you cared _so much_ for -"

"Or don't tell us. Either way, I honestly don't even care."

"TOTTY!"

"Osomatsu."

The conversation stopped and everyone turned towards Matsuyo. She exhaled through her mouth and placed a frail hand on Osomatsu's shoulder. The eldest flinched slightly, forcing his eyes to meet with hers. Jyushimatsu couldn't help but gape at the intense stare-off.

"Osomatsu."

"Y-yes?"

"You're grounded."

" . . . Ha?"


	5. Hyperdontia

Choromatsu's mind was elsewhere as he flipped another page of his worn-out magazine. The various job listings that his tired eyes skimmed through had started to blur together, to the point where the letters were practically indistinguishable from one another. He let out a quiet sigh before finally deciding to close the damn thing that he had been trying to read for the past hour. He doubted that he would be able to make sense of it anyway.

His focus shifted towards his brother whose back was turned towards him, his posture relaxed yet quite stiff at the same time. The room has been quiet ever since Choromatsu came through the door, neither of them daring to say a word. It wasn't something he was used to, the silence. It was awkward, uncomfortable, and it definitely isn't something he would like to have for the rest of his life. He may always be complaining about the constant noise in the house, but he would be lying if he said he actually hated it.

With a huff, Choromatsu got up and made his way to the door, his mother's orders ringing at the back of his mind. He was just going to get a drink, he wasn't actually abandoning his job. He'd come back just as quick as he left.

"You finally leaving?"

The words were aimed harshly at the third son, resentment and anger evident in the tone being used.

Choromatsu stopped in his tracks, annoyance starting to fill his head with different ways to kill. He was already tired of this, babysitting his older brother and constantly trying to squeeze information out of him. Which of course he had failed to do. Not even a single clue had left Osomatsu's lips.

He turned around to narrow his eyes at him and was met with the same, carefree back again. The elder was flipping through a manga, his hands in a bowl of chips (which he stubbornly refused to share, much to Choromatsu's irritation). He threw a chip in his waiting mouth, crunching loudly on the snack.

"I wish. But unfortunately for me, I have to deal with a 20-year old man, my own eldest brother no less, who still acts like a child."

Silence filled the room again, the tension way thicker than it had been before.

Choromatsu stood there by the door, waiting for Osomatsu's retort. He had to have one, right? He had always been the type to fight back, no matter what the argument was about, no matter if he was winning or not.

To his surprise, he only got a few murmurs before he turned back to finishing his chips.

Choromatsu sighed, closing the door behind him gently. As he descended the stairs, he couldn't help but wonder about Osomatsu's last reply. It had been muttered under his breath, but the green clad Matsu heard enough to get the gist of it.

"At least you don't have to deal with emotions."

 _What emotions?_ Choromatsu had to wonder.

Ichimatsu saw the knife. He saw it, yet he didn't want to say anything. _There isn't much to say anyway,_ he thought. He was pretty sure it wasn't meant to harm, rather, it was probably meant to be self-defense. But still, he's kept awake at night, his mind still on the sharp weapon that was hidden in a secret compartment under the couch.

This secret compartment was merely just a loose floor board that he and Osomatsu found as kids and they've been stocking up the most random things there ever since. The last time Ichimatsu had opened it was way back in highschool. He had always wondered why they never told the others about it. It somehow became their secret, their inside joke. Ichimatsu would never admit it, but he was actually really glad Osomatsu didn't tell the others. He liked the idea that he and the eldest shared something private.

He had only thought to open it up a week after Osomatsu came home all bruised up. He was just so curious and desperate that one night, he tiptoed all the way to the couch and pried open up the floorboard. He already readied himself for the fact that he would find nothing new. After a few checks here and there, he would go back to bed and call himself an idiot for even considering the compartment. There was no way Osomatsu would use it again, he may even have already forgotten it.

He certainly didn't expect the glint of a shiny object that greeted him when he lifted the wood. It was right on top of everything else, just laying there in the open. With a smooth, rubber handle and a scarily sharp blade edge, it looked out of place with all the memoirs and junk that filled up the space. That had spooked Ichimatsu so much that he had stayed awake through the entire night, debating with himself on whether he should tell the others or not.

Days had turned to weeks and still the knife was kept safely under the couch, its presence known only to Osomatsu and Ichimatsu. The latter constantly checked it every so often, every single time praying that it would somehow just disappear and that maybe it was all just his imagination. No such luck. It would always be there, glaring up at him.

It seemed that Osomatsu would take it with him every time he went out for his 'business' because it would only reappear at night. Ichimatsu could only imagine the reasons for the eldest to possess such a thing. Although sharp objects weren't an oddity in the household (they work extremely well in shutting up Karamatsu), with the present situation, it wasn't all wrong to be suspicious.

Also the fact that it was practically just there really bothered Ichimatsu. _It was just there_. If you moved the couch by a couple of inches and run your fingers along the floor, you'd be able to feel the unevenness. Lift up the wooden plank, and there it was in plain sight. Didn't Osomatsu think this through? Didn't he remember that Ichimatsu also had access to it? It was almost as if-

 _No. You're over thinking. Stop it._

Was it too late to say anything now? Would it make any difference considering the hold their mother was currently putting on Osomatsu? Deep inside though, he was a bit scared. He didn't want to be labeled as a tattle tale by the eldest and he definitely didn't want to destroy the short, little bond he had with him.

And so here he was, a cat between his legs and a red brother by the window, refusing to turn towards him. The lack of interaction never really bothered Ichimatsu, but with the various things that had happened recently, he was starting to get jittery with all the tense silences. He was about to open his mouth to say something (anything, he was desperate), when Osomatsu beat him to it.

"You saw it, didn't you?"

Ichimatsu's heart nearly jumped out of his chest and no matter how hard he tried, he couldn't get it to stop pounding. He had been dreading this. Every single time he opened up the floorboard, those very words kept echoing in his wracked up brain.

 _You saw it,_

 _Didn't you?_

"I know you've been sneaking around at night. I'm not an idiot, I know that the compartment isn't exactly the best hiding place."

 _Then why-_

"But I also know that that spot is only meant for both of us. We promised, didn't we? That we wouldn't tell the rest?"

 _We did? Oh, so we did. What has that got to do with any-_

"The others wouldn't be able to find it unless they're given a clue."

 _Yeah, but_ _ **I**_ _know about it. Why then did you still-_

"You were never the type to open up, especially when it came to dealing with other people's situations. _Mind your own business_ ,was it?"

 _. . . What?_

"With that brain of yours, you probably have already pieced the puzzle, haven't ya? But I'm guessing you never told a soul about it. Besides, you would never tell on your dear, old oniichan, right?"

 _What is he-. What is he-. It can't be-_

"Tougou. Remember him?"

 _. . . No. No. No. He's lying._

"Yep. Tougou. I'm in love with him."

 _In . . . love?_

"I'm in love with the very man who had me do terrible things when I was ten. The very man who had tried to kidnap me back then too. Funny, huh? I really don't get how love works. And I was pretty sure I only preferred boobs."

The last line was delivered with a genuinely amused laugh. But all Ichimatsu was hearing were the words love and Tougou. Those two don't belong together. In fact, they were polar opposites.

And . . . Osomatsu _loved_ Tougou? The man who kept appearing in his nightmares, who had him so traumatized that he'd be a complete mess whenever a stranger walked through the front door? That he had to take actual therapy and pills just to tone down the panic attacks he was getting from remembering the past? Osomatsu _loved Tougou?_

"I don't understand." Ichimatsu finally spoke, his voice low and raspy, his numbness easily mistaken for calmness and innocence.

All the while, it was Osomatsu's back that spoke to him. Which, for some reason, was a lot worse than talking face-to-face. He couldn't see the eldest's face and the expression he wore. But Ichimatsu could see the way he kept shifting as talked, could see the way his hands shook as he flipped a page of his manga, could see the way sweat slid down his neck.

It wasn't easy to talk about this, and yet his voice remained neutral, a great deal of emotion pushed back, hiding behind uncertainty and fear.

"I said I love Tougou."

"No."

"I love Tougou."

"No. No, you don't."

"Why can't you just accept it?"

"Because I know it's not true. Stop playing with me."

"I really love him."

"Osomatsu-niisan, I'm being serious he-"

"AND SO AM I."

The red Matsu had stood up and stormed all the way to where Ichimatsu sat, kicked the cat away, and grabbed his brother by the shirt. His other hand was balled into a fist, clenched so hard that it was nearly shaking. His eyes were glowing dangerously, his teeth bared and practically growling.

Ichimatsu could only watch as the other began shaking him, spouting the next few words in a frenzied shout.

"I KNOW IT'S STUPID. OUT OF ALL THE PEOPLE IN THIS GODDAMNED PLANET, I HAVE TO BE IN LOVE WITH A 50 YEAR OLD CRIMINAL. WHO, OF COURSE, HAD TO BE MY LIVING NIGHTMARE EVER SINCE I WAS A KID.

AND I FUCKING HATE MYSELF FOR IT. I HATE MYSELF. I DIDN'T ASK FOR THIS. I DIDN'T ASK FOR HIM TO ESCAPE PRISON, I DIDN'T ASK FOR HIM TO FIND ME, AND I DEFINITELY DIDN'T ASK TO . . . to . . . I DIDN'T ASK FOR ANY OF THIS. I HATE MYSELF. I hate myself. I really, really, hate myself . . . "

 _Don't say that. Don't say that. I look up to you, niisan. You can't say that._

"Ichimatsu, I'm so tired already. I'm so tired, that I don't even give a fuck about any of this anymore. I've stopped caring. So I like him. _Love_ him, even. I don't care anymore. I just gotta . . . gotta . . . Move forward? The heck I know."

The tears had kept pouring, drenching the front of Ichimatsu's hoodie. He couldn't remember the last time he saw his eldest brother this vulnerable and . . . lost. He had always been the one to smile throughout the hard times, always been the one to look on the bright side of things and laugh at fear in the face. He was the brothers' lighthouse, the one thing they always look for in the darkness. And he was always there to guide them back on the right path.

Sure, he was an asshole sometimes. Sure, he was almost always the one to start up petty fights. He hasn't grown up over the years and he's always bringing his brothers down to his level of trashiness. He's selfish, careless, and irresponsible. But in the end, he could always be relied on. He wasn't the best older brother in the world, but Ichimatsu wouldn't have anyone else replace him.

Seeing him in this state, something inside Ichimatsu just broke. This was one of his fears, seeing the people he loved and admired reduced to self-loathing and hate. He never really knew how to comfort people or tell them inspiring things. He would be a hypocrite by doing that.

But slowly, he reached his arms around Osomatsu and gently held him closer. He heard the eldest's breath hitch and felt his body stiffen. He himself couldn't believe he was doing this, and by Akatsuka's holy name, he was embarrassed. But for some reason, he just held on tighter, leaning his chin down on the other's shoulder.

They stayed like that for some time, just basking in each other's company. It wasn't long before the sobs started, quiet and hesitantly at first. It never got to full-on wails because it seemed as if Osomatsu was forcing himself not to cry any louder. Ichimatsu wanted to tell him it was okay. That he wasn't going to judge. That people needed to let go sometimes. But then again, this was fine too. He honestly just liked holding his brother like this.

He hadn't notice the sun go down and by the time he realized that Osomatsu had fallen asleep on his shoulder, the room had noticeably been shrouded in darkness. He slowly, carefully, got up and dragged his brother to the couch, only having difficulty in heaving him up on it. He grabbed a blanket and draped it over the sleeping figure, sending a silent apology that he might not be able to eat dinner.

As he turned around to head towards the door, his eyes fell upon the floor, the wood slightly not in place. He stayed rooted there for a moment, eyes focused, as his mind whirled about a million possibilities.

Finally, he shook his head and left the room, the thought of the pocketknife locked away for now.

"YOU GUYS HAD BEEN LISTENING THE WHOLE TIME?!"

They were all seated around the dinner table, eating the fast food take-out Choromatsu had brought home. Their parents had gone to visit friends, and since no one had the skill to cook decently, the third son decided to stop by and buy dinner on his way home from a concert.

"Yeah, I mean, Osomatsu-niisan was pretty loud. And this house is practically made on paper."

It was Todomatsu, (who, miraculously, was not on his phone) that replied. He had kept staring at Ichimatsu throughout the entire meal, confusion (and was that . . . envy?) etched on his features. The purple Matsu would stare back, keeping up with the challenge, but finally just gave up minutes later.

Karamatsu sipped his glass of water, eyeing the fourth son who had refused to take a bite of his food. Ichimatsu looked downright murderous, glaring down at anyone who dared make eye contact. It was understandable, though. No one wanted to be eavesdropped on. Especially if it had been a conversation such as that.

"We have to do something."

Karamatsu was surprised to hear his own voice. Especially the determination and anger that came with it. Was he angry? He didn't know. He wasn't quite sure what to feel. If he was mad, then at what? At Osomatsu for not having told them about this sooner? At Tougou for hurting his brother? Or maybe because he was just mad at the fact that it had to be Ichimatsu who got to hear the story first.

 _Why Ichimatsu, anyway? He's not exactly known for sympathizing . . ._

The second son shook his head vigorously. He's got to stop thinking like this. He loves Ichimatsu. He could care less about who Osomatsu was going to tell first. He was probably going to tell them all eventually. He may even have just spilled the beans accidentally, got too carried away in the moment.

But, for some reason, he couldn't get rid of the icky feeling of jealousy that struck at his chest.

Choromatsu stuffed a chicken leg in his mouth and crunched on it loudly. He had been quiet the entire time, but Karamatsu couldn't help but notice his trembling fingers as he held onto his chopsticks.

Choromatsu had the closest bond with the eldest than any of them. It wasn't quite as evident now than when it had been when they were kids, but Karamatsu was pretty sure the two still wouldn't like to live without each other's company. And to think that Osomatsu is currently going through some rough times, it must be pretty hard for Choromatsu too.

Todomatsu let out a sigh and finally broke his staring contest with Ichimatsu. He picked at his rice and said, "Well, what? Karamatsu-niisan, honestly, we _all_ would like to do _something_ , but _what_?" Each emphasized word made Karamatsu flinch, and he can't help but agree. _What_ _ **can**_ _we do?_

"You can't just make someone fall out of love. It doesn't work that way. I've tried."

Everyone turned towards the voice. Jyushimatsu had his head down, fiddling with his long, yellow sleeves. Despite everything, he still had his signature smile on, albeit it looked too forced and tight on his otherwise tired-looking face.

The room got silent as those words filled up the space. A memory, a painful one, of seeing Jyushimatsu cry, entered Karamatsu's mind and a pang of guilt and sadness enveloped him. He never wanted to see the yellow Matsu sad, it was a look that never quite fit him. He was easily the crybaby of the family, but Karamatsu never saw him as down and depressed as that moment back then.

Karamatsu himself had never truly loved someone before. A few crushes here and there, a few Karamatsu girls to swing his arm around, but these were never taken seriously. He never knew what _love_ feltlike. After finding out that Jyushimatsu was seeing someone, he was a bit jealous. He also wanted to find someone, someone that could ride along on his painfulness, someone that he could make laugh, someone that he could share memories with.

But after Jyushimatsu's rejection, he started to feel fear. He got scared of love. He didn't want to get hurt, the same way Jyushimatsu did. He was a coward, and he knew it.

That was why, along with hatred and anger, he felt awe at the mention of Osomatsu loving someone. He knew he could hurt, but there he still went and did it. He fell in love. With his own nightmare, none the less.

 _Osomatsu, you never fail to impress me._

"I-I should go up and bring some food for Osomatsu-niisan. MUSCLE MUSCLE HUSTLE HUSTLE!"

With that, Jyushimatsu grabbed a random plate and ran out of the room, not giving the others a chance to say anything else.

With him gone, the tension around the table dissipated, but not enough for any of them to look at one another. Todomatsu let out a sigh and fished out his phone from his pocket, rapidly pressing on the screen as if his life depended on it. Choromatsu kept his head low and continued stuffing himself silly with the chicken, but Karamatsu was pretty sure he was just forcing himself. Ichimatsu just mumbled something about annoying brothers and private space, glaring down at the table in front of him.

Karamatsu took a jump, trying to keep his voice level and steady, "Well, I guess we could-"

 _CLANG!_

A sharp sound made everyone look up. It seemed as if something broke.

Todomatsu started to get up, saying, "What the-"

But was abruptly cut off when Jyushimatsu reappeared at the door, eyes wild and panting heavily. His arms were waving up and down, and his face displayed extreme panic. It even looked as if he was on the verge of tears.

Ichimatsu moved towards his brother slowly, confusion and fear creeping up on his own face as he reached out a tentative hand towards him.

"Jyushimatsu, what is it? What's going o-"

"OSOMATSU-NIISAN."

Karamatsu's heart dropped. That one name sent various scenarios running through his frazzled mind, none of them good. His lungs started to contract, to the point where he can't seem to breathe. _Osomatsu? Why? What happened? What's wrong?_

"What is it? What happened?" Choromatsu had also stood up, already taking quick steps towards Jyushimatsu. He looked like he had had enough, small, silent tears streaming down his flushed cheeks.

"O-Osomatsu-niisan, he's, he's . . .

He's not in his room."


	6. Ghost Rule

He shielded himself from the glare of the street lamps, annoying and painful against the surrounding darkness. The stars were out tonight, showering the blanket of night, but Osomatsu could only concentrate on his breathing and keeping one feet in front of the other. His legs were starting to feel like lead and he felt that at some point, he was about to collapse onto the cobbled pavement underneath. But still he kept going, forcing large, heavy breaths into his already tired lungs.

The memories of last night still kept replaying in his brain. He could still remember the feel of Ichimatsu's hoodie in his clenched fist, could still remember the look of fear on his face, could still remember the way the room echoed with his own desperate cries. But for some reason, he couldn't recall the words he had said back then. He did have a vague memory of telling Ichimatsu about Tougou, but wasn't sure of what exactly was said.

 _Well, it wouldn't really matter now._ He wasn't going back home anymore.

Something sharp pricked at his chest and he nearly stumbled, but caught himself right before he hit the ground. He had already thought this through. He shouldn't hesitate now. But then it never occurred to him to think about what he might leave behind.

His family came to mind, his parents and brothers. The countless moments and experiences they had all went through together, even the hard ones, taunted him, forcing him to dwell on each and every one of them. His brothers were annoying, Osomatsu had no trouble approving that as a fact, but the last time they've established their independence hadn't gone too well and by the next few days they had all found themselves seated around the table as a family again.

Osomatsu didn't particularly like to remember this certain memory. It was one that made him wish he could turn back time. While it hadn't been a first, it was definitely the worst fight they had. And the terrified look on Jyushimatsu's face when he had yelled at him had been one proof.

He snapped to the present and before he knew it, his cheeks were already wet from the tears that were streaming down his face. Frustrated, he wiped them away with his sleeve and focused on the path ahead of him. He shouldn't think about these things now. He was going to go forward with his plan and he wouldn't be stopped.

 _But still . . ._

His run slowed to a jog before finally halting by a stop sign. He placed a trembling hand on the cool metal, panting hard, blinking away remaining tears.

He looked back onto the road behind him, the lamps the only thing that had guided him on the way. The path looked so cold and lonely now, devoid of life and color. It would probably be buzzing with people in the morning, but right now, Osomatsu was its only company. He felt so small, so alone. He was so used to having his brothers by his side.

Osomatsu pursed his lips. He loved his brothers, he really did. But can they really accept him after hearing the horrid truth? That their own eldest brother loved an old criminal? The same one that had turned his supposedly happy childhood into a traumatic mess? Osomatsu himself was disgusted by the thought.

He never quite figured out why he loved Tougou. And he was so determined to find a reason that at some point, he had stopped caring and began pursuing. And at another point, this certain 'like' had finally evolved into love. But it wasn't the normal, moral kind of love. It was nasty, impure, lust driven. But love, none the less.

He let out a sigh, watching his own breath form in the cold air. It reminded him of smoke. He had smoked a lot since he had worked with Tougou. What used to be around 3 sticks a day, had turned into a heavy 8 sticks. He blamed this on the stressful, immoral jobs Tougou makes him do every day, the robbing and stealing, the hostages, even the occasional 'assassinations'.

He shook his head. He's not going to think about this now. He's supposed to be running away.

With a final glance back and an image of his smiling parents and bickering brothers burned into his mind, he jumped into a wide stride that took him farther away from his home, his safe place, and closer to where Tougou and his cruelty was.

 _Because I'm a coward . . . Always had been._

"I'm going to go ask Iyami and Chibita, see if they've seen him."

Todomatsu noticed he wasnt using his usual, painful language ( _burazaaa~~_ ) but just nodded his head blankly, not really caring, and more so focused on rapidly typing into his phone. His face was scrunched up in concentration, sweat beading his forehead.

"Todomatsu, are you even listening"

The youngest didn't reply. He was impatiently scanning the Web, looking for some article about Tougou. He had come across quite a lot, most of them about the many petty criminal acts he had done over the years. It turns out that he had only been to jail once (due to some little, insignificant incident, ahem, ahem) and had been released when the brothers graduated high school.

 _Wow, he had been free all this time. And we didn't even know it. Until now._

Todomatsu shuddered. For the past few years, they had gone about their lives, happy and ignorant, not knowing that someone was plotting their downfall in the shadows. He shuddered again.

He closed the news website he was currently on and skimmed through the various links that laid itself out before him. None of them gave any clues as to where Tougou was right now. Todomatsu cursed inwardly. He was pretty sure Osomatsu had gone to see him. Maybe even plan to run away with him. If he could only find out his whereabouts, they could have a chance at finding their brother and talking him down into -

"TODOMATSU. LOOK AT ME."

The phone was thrown roughly across the room, skidding to a stop under the window. His view was suddenly blocked by Karamatsu who stood in front of him now, expression somewhat hard and unreadable. The silence between them was deafening, as each dared the other to speak up first.

Todomatsu was about to open his mouth but Karamatsu began pacing the room in quick, harsh steps. His breathing became erratic, his fingers shaky as he combed them through his, for once, unkempt hair. Todomatsu had never seen the second son _this_ freaked out. He had always hid behind that 'cool' mask of his, the mask that was now slowly crumbling bit by bit, exposing just how scared and terrified he really was.

He finally stopped in front of the window, bent over to pick up the phone and moved towards Todomatsu who had sat frozen in his spot, staring. His eyes were darting from the gadget to his brother, guilt and apology clear in them.

"T-Todomatsu, I-I'm sorry, I don't know what came over me. Everything's just g-going t-too fast, and I -"

Karamatsu's breathing hitched, becoming shallow, and his eyes widened considerably as he clutched desperately at his blue hoodie. Alarm bells rang in Todomatsu's head, realization dawning far too slowly. His older brother was having a panic attack.

"Karamatsu-niisan? Niisan! Hey, it's going to be alright, everything's going to be alright."

He clutched the elder's shoulders, shaking him gently to try and get him to come back to reality.

Behind closed doors, their family wasn't exactly mentally stable, so everyone was given a light lecture as to what to do in situations such as this. Todomatsu himself had never experienced a panic attack, but so far he's seen Ichimatsu, Choromatsu, and Osomatsu, and he's helped with them deal it.

He's never seen Karamatsu, though.

"Karamatsu-niisan, I need you to work with me. Focus, and follow me."

He began counting his breaths, nice and slow, never breaking eye contact with the elder. Gradually, the second son regained control of his breathing, his posture and stance finally relaxing.

"There you go. You okay?"

Karamatsu didn't reply until his shaky breaths have steadied. Even then, he still seemed to have trouble forming words. His eyes shone with tears, threatening to spill.

"Todomatsu?"

The youngest only then realized that his hands were still on Karamatsu's shoulders, not to mention, they were cold and sweaty. It was quite clear that he was shaken up by the events, seeing his older brother panic like that. Who wouldn't?

He moved his hands and grasped Karamatsu's, smoothing them and rubbing gentle circles. The latter sniffled, forcing down the sobs that racked his body.

"Yeah? What it is?"

" . . . I'm really scared."

Todomatsu raised his eyebrows at this. _I've never heard Karamatsu-niisan say that. Actually, I don't think I really know the true Karamatsu._

He let out a soft chuckle, replying, "Well, we all are."

"What if we don't find him? What if he never comes back? What if-"

"Niisan. We. Are. Going to. Find. Him. Don't think otherwise."

" . . . "

"Niisan?"

"He's my older brother."

"Yeah, he is to all of us."

At this, Karamatsu looked up sharply, and Todomatsu saw the first tears fall down silently. They dropped onto his blue hoodie, making the color even darker.

He shook his head vigorously as he said, "No, no, no. I mean, he's my _only_ older brother. If he's gone, then! Then . . . I wouldn't know what to do. _He_ does. He's so good at dealing with various situations, and here I am, just . . . Useless.

He's not the best older brother in the world, but he's all I've got. I can't stand to lose him. I'm not sure if I'm ready to take his burden of looking after all of us.

He doesn't show it, but he really does care for us. He's the eldest, and I think that's the reason why he feels the need to look like he's fine even when he really isn't. He thinks he doesn't have anyone else to turn to or look for guidance, because, for fuck's sake, _he's the eldest_.

And, just like the selfish me that I am, I don't want to lose him because I'm a coward. I can't be like him. I _need_ him. I need him to listen to my ramblings, I need him to accompany me on days when I feel alone, I need him to just _be there._ And he actually _listens._ Canyou believe it? He _listens_ when nobody else does.

I can't be like him. I can't. Because I'm a coward."

Karamatsu spat out that last word like poison. He had shrunk into himself while he had been talking, clutching at his heart as if he was in some pain he had trouble understanding. He finally let go of the cry that had been building up in his throat, allowing it to echo throughout the room. It was filled with such heartache and melancholy.

And all Todomatsu could do was blink.

 _Karamatsu-niisan opened up. He opened up. He opened up._

He shouldn't feel happy or accomplished, really, he shouldn't. But that was all he could feel. Happy and accomplished. Because, finally, Karamatsu opened up to him. He _talked_ him. _Sincerely._

Not thinking twice, Todomatsu pulled him into a bone crushing hug, feeling his own tears well up. He buried his face into the other's neck as a rush of emotions engulfed him.

"Karamatsu-niisan, you're everything _but_ a coward. I can say that much. I can list all the things you've done as proof, but I don't even know where to begin."

He felt him shift slightly, hearing the sobs start to quiet down as his own grew bigger.

"You never talk to me this like. Do you talk like this to Osomatsu-niisan? Why? Why don't you talk to the rest of us? You know it's unfair when you say it's only Osomatsu who listens. It's because _you_ never learned to open up to us. Jeez, Karamatsu-niisan, that's really rude of you to make up the notion that we wouldn't listen to you."

"B-but. Y-you guys always cut me off whenever I say something."

Todomatsu flinched at this. They _had_ been quite hard on the blue Matsu. But most of those had been jokes, and Karamatsu had always seemed fine with it.

"Well, we thought you were okay with it. So it really isn't, huh . . . I just thought you were the type not to care about what others say."

Both of them had stopped crying by then, and now, they just sat there in each other's arms.

" . . . Karamatsu-niisan?"

"Hm?"

"I'm sorry."

"Hm."

They broke apart and it seemed as if Karamatsu's heart became lighter. It was still weighed down, but after their little talk, he was able to breathe in a new and fresh kind of air. Something he hasn't been able to do in a while.

Todomatsu laughed, rubbing his eyes. He was reminded of a movie scene where the two main girls had a heart-to-heart in the bathroom and cried so hard that their makeup had run all over their entire puffy faces. It was practically identical to the current situation that he had to let it out by doubling up on the floor. A moment later, his brother joined in, and they guffawed so hard and loud that Todomatsu thought he was going to die.

It was only when his phone buzzed that they got up from the floor, wiping tears from their eyes. It was a message from Atsushi.

Todomatsu unlocked it, but not before sparing Karamatsu a quick glance. His eyes trained back down on the screen and his finger swiped through it swiftly.

Karamatsu watched as his brother's face turned from that of glee and relief to confusion and finally settled on shock. His face was frozen in that expression, his hands not moving anymore, and he just sat there staring down into the brightness of his phone.

"Totty? What is it?"

The aforementioned finally looked up and Karamatsu could see the quick changes of emotion in those brown eyes of his.

And among those, excitement was most prominent.

Jyushimatsu shone the flashlight through the alley, the brightness bouncing off the walls on either side. His sudden light scared off a few stray dogs and cats and they scampered off into further darkness. The yellow Matsu watched them run off before sighing again and heading back to where he came.

An hour of searching had gone by and still none of them has heard any sort of news about the missing brother. And with each passing minute, the streets grow darker and their hopes were starting to crumble, desperation evident in the way their legs get faster.

As Jyushimatsu turned the corner, he bumped into the fourth son. Ichimatsu's hair was messier than usual, his eyes wide and wild. Not a single cat was with him, and maybe it was because of running, but Jyushimatsu could see how sweat drenched his face and body, his hoodie sticking to his skin uncomfortably.

"J-Jyushimatsu! Did, did you find something?"

Jyushimatsu shook his head vigorously.

"A-ah, s'that so . . ."

"Did Ichimatsu-niisan find anything?"

Ichimatsu was panting heavily, his form hunched, his hands on his knees. It took a moment for him to catch his breath and look up, worry in his eyes.

"No, nothing. Where the fuck did that trashy eldest brother go?"

"Don't worry niisan! We'll find him, I'm sure of it! Muscle muscle! Hustle hustle!"

Despite the energy and enthusiasm he shared though, Jyushimatsu was anything but optimistic on the inside. With his outward personality, noone would have thought he was a pessimist. But that was the case, he was really sensitive so he would almost always think of things that might go wrong in different situations. Especially in cases such as this.

Ichimatsu nodded weakly. With a tired hand, he patted his younger brother on the head, ruffling his hair slightly.

"I wish I had your optimism, Jyushimatsu."

 _Haha, if only you knew._

"It's my fault."

Jyushimatsu perked up at this. He stared at Ichimatsu who ducked his head. He had retracted his hands and stuffed them inside the pocket of his hoodie, but Jyushimatsu could still see them shake.

"What do you mean, Ichimatsu-niisan?"

"It's my fault he had escaped. If I had only stayed there like I was supposed to, then maybe he wouldn't have-"

"It's not your fault, niisan."

Ichimatsu stared at his brother. There was slight anger in the tone used, but there was no sign of it on the other's still smiling face.

"But it was _my_ turn to watch him. Instead, I just left him there sleeping, thinking he wouldn't make a run for it. And now he's-"

"It's not your fault, niisan. Osomatsu-niisan would have probably done it anyway, any time soon. It was inevitable. So stop blaming yourself." Jyushimatsu said reassuringly, holding Ichimatsu's cold hands in his own, trying to warm them up.

Jyushimatsu hated his brother's self-hatred and doubt. He couldn't understand why he did this; always blaming himself (or Karamatsu) whenever something goes wrong, referring to himself as worthless and useless, and the isolation. Jyushimatsu wanted his brother to be more open, to be able trust in them more.

He was a wonderful person, kind and gentle on the inside. If only he could what Jyushimatsu sees, and maybe then he would realize his self-worth.

Ichimatsu stared at his brother for a moment, a little shocked at his strong words. But then, this was Jyushimatsu, he thought. And Jyushimatsu always knew how to cheer people up, even if he could be really weird sometimes.

He gave him a small smile, saying, "Yeah, I guess so. Thanks, Jyushimatsu."

"No problem, niisan!"

They decided to search together, walking a couple more blocks in comfortable silence. The air was much calmer than before, but it was still charged with a sense of urgency.

It wasn't long before they saw Todomatsu and Karamatsu running towards them, clearly out of breath but still pushing themselves beyond the limits.

Their foreheads glistened with sweat despite the cool night breeze and their hair was sticking up messily. But the expressions on their faces betrayed no signs of exhaustion.

The two stopped as they reached Jyushimatsu and Ichimatsu, taking a little breather. They rested their palms on their knees, much like what Ichimatsu did earlier, and panted heavily.

"Totty? Karamatsu-niisan? What is it? What's going on?"

Todomatsu's head shot up, looking at them with wide eyes.

"I know where Osomatsu-niisan is."


	7. Breaking Things Into Pieces

The night was still young as the four brothers skidded down the low slope, slipping and sliding carelessly. The bridge beside them was covered in shadows, hiding their silhouettes from any passerby. Not that they cared if people saw them suspiciously hurrying about, but this area wasn't supposed to be trespassed at night, and they already had enough on their plates to worry about.

A little further beyond was Choromatsu who stood by the riverside, looking off into the dark waters. His green hoodie contrasted the gloomy atmosphere that encompassed him and his narrow eyes were storming with held back emotions.

When he saw them run towards him, he gave a small wave, tapping his foot impatiently. When Todomatsu told him to meet them by the river, not telling him the reason why, he was miffed. He wanted to be out there, searching for his brother, informing the police about the situation, or maybe even comforting his distressed parents back at home. Yet, he had to wait here for the rest of his brothers by some muddy bank, in almost complete darkness, not knowing what to expect.

"Choromatsu-niisan!"

Jyushimatsu yelled, tackling said brother in a tight hug. The rest halted, their strained endurance getting the best of them. Ichimatsu had straight out fell on his back, gasping for breath as he glared at the stars above him.

Choromatsu pulled away from the hug and looked at all of them.

"What is it? Did you guys find anything?"

Todomatsu wheezed, raising a tired hand to point at the abandoned industrialization area beyond Choromatsu.

It was old, just a bunch of large, dark buildings bunched up together. The whole area had been abandoned for as long as anyone from the city could remember, but nobody knew the reason why. Some say it had remnants of dangerous radioactive substances floating around, others think a huge economic crisis had occurred, leaving to businesses and companies to fail and the area to be abandoned. Whatever the case was, everyone knew not to get too close. There was just something odd and creepy about the whole place.

"Osomatsu-niisan's there."

Choromatsu whipped around to face the youngest. _Osomatsu-niisan's_ _ **there**_ _?_

"Atsushi said that on their way home from work, his friends saw a man in a suit go in there. They couldn't exactly see his face, but we all know the only man who wears gross, unfashionable checkers, don't we?"

"Tougou."

Everyone nodded. They all turned to look at the crumbling buildings. For some reason, they looked way more intimidating than it had a few minutes ago.

Choromatsu wrinkled his nose at the thought of entering one of them. _Stupid eldest brother._

"Well, I guess we have to save his sorry ass."

"Do we really have to? We can just leave him to fate."

"You know very well why we can't do that, Totty."

"And why is that?"

"Because, 'I am them and they are me.' He is us and we are him."

Everyone got silent at the words. Osomatsu had loved saying it; it was another thing that proved the brothers would never truly leave one another behind.

Without another word, they walked towards the buildings together, uncertain of everything and especially of what was in store of them there. They didn't have a plan in mind, not even Choromatsu, but still they forged on with the same goal: to get their brother back.

The warehouse was huge. It took up nearly a quarter of the whole area, with its looming graffitied walls and rundown, rusted roof. It reminded Choromatsu of a haunted house but without any windows and the only visible way inside being the two large wooden doors they were now standing in front of.

Needless to say, he was fucking terrified inside. But he didn't need to show that to his brothers; he was the conniving one, not afraid to make up the most elaborate plans to get them out of sticky situations. The one they were currently in though, was a bit too much for him to handle. His usually quick brain had overloaded over the past couple of hours, leaving him blank and not a single idea what to do.

Karamatsu grabbed his arm, making Choromatsu jump. He was so preoccupied with his racing heartbeat and empty thoughts that he nearly forgot where he was. Nearly.

"Karamatsu-niisan! Don't scare me like that!" he whisper-shouted.

The second son muttered a quiet apology before shifting his position to a more comfortable one. He was right below Jyushimatsu, giving him a lift so he could try to peer into one of the many holes of the perforated door.

" _Burazaah~_ I believe with all my love-filled, aching heart that you have thought up a foolproof, state-of-the-art plan to get our dear, sweet aniki back? Hmmmm?" Karamatsu queried, winking and smirking as he struggled to hold Jyushimatsu's weight.

 _What the fuck, Karamatsu, how can you be so painful at a time like this? It's more than inappropriate, don't you think?! And what's with all those adjectives? Do you really need more than one to describe something? Get to the point, you good-for-nothing NEET. And what's with that 'hmmmm'? Why do you have to be so painful, oh Akatsuka-sensei!_

Choromatsu wanted so badly to make a retort, (that could hurt Karamatsu as much as he 'hurt' others) but he calmed down enough to remind himself of the 'mission' they were supposed to accomplish.

He turned back around to peer into a tiny hole in the wood but not quite seeing anything through the darkness, replying softly, "Actually, I don't. Do we just barge in there and demand for Osomatsu-niisan to come home with us?"

Just then, Jyushimatsu flapped his arms wildly. This movement caused Karamatsu's knees to buckle underneath him and send him crashing to the ground, suppressing pained groans. Jyushimatsu merely hopped over his hunched form and jumped up and down excitedly, sleeve-clad hands covering his mouth, trying not to make a sound despite his eagerness.

Choromatsu put a finger to his mouth. "Jyushimatsu! What is it?" he whispered.

"Osomatsu-niisan! I see Osomatsu-niisan! He's inside! He's inside!"

And with that, he burst through the doors, rushing into the warehouse as the others paused at the sudden action. It took more than a few seconds for them to run after their brother, grabbing at his arms.

"JYUSHIMATSU STOP!"

"NIISAN, WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!"

"WAIT JYUSHIMATSU!"

But the yellow Matsu struggled against their hold and broke free, running into the darkness. Choromatsu and the rest could only follow without a choice, stumbling after him with adrenaline pumping in their veins.

"Osomatsu-niisa-"

Jyushimatsu's gleeful yell was cut off and Choromatsu stifled the scream rising in his throat as he saw the gun that was pointed at his little brother's head. It was sleek black, a small handgun, but it still instilled fear in everyone else in the room.

Jyushimatsu froze.

The man that stood in front of him was tall and his broad shoulders were slumped a little as if he had been carrying a heavy burden most of his life. Maybe he had. The yellow checkered suit he wore did nothing to lighten up the air around him. And his eyes. None of the brothers could forget about his sharp, clever eyes. They were usually shining, accompanied with a pleasant smile. But none of both were present now. Just an expressionless face peering down on the the fifth son who stared back, trembling slightly.

Choromatsu found himself saying the name of this very man, unconsciously.

"Tougou."

His voice echoed against the walls of the huge warehouse, bouncing about in everyone's ears. And for some reason, this made everything so much more real than it really was.

Karamatsu slowly stepped in front of Choromatsu and the rest, spreading his arms out as if he was shielding them of what was to come. Tougou clucked his tongue at this.

"Protecting your little brothers? How noble. Osomatsu's told me how all of you had grown up."

As if this was his cue, the said brother emerged from a door at the very back of the building.

"Tougou? What's going o-"

The eldest's eyes widened, incredulous. Choromatsu could see his gears working as he assessed the situation. He was slowly making his way forward, all the while looking at everyone in the eye.

"Wha-what's going on? H-how did you guys- What are you doing here?"

He stopped a few meters away and maybe it was just then, because his eyes seem to widen even more when he saw the gun pointed at Jyushimatsu.

Tougou had not taken a single move ever since Osomatsu made his appearance. His firm grip on the gun did not waver, and his eyes were still locked on Jyushimatsu's, who was now shaking even more terribly.

Osomatsu started making his way to the two, hands up in a sort of placating way.

"Tougou, point the gun away from my brother."

Just as he approached them, he slowly reached for the older man's hands, but, faster than anyone could react, Tougou whirled around to Osomatsu and the gun was now on _his_ head.

There was a moment of chaos where Karamatsu grabbed Jyushimatsu and took him in his arms, Todomatsu had screamed, and Choromatsu did something incredibly stupid, even for a NEET like him.

He flung his whole body at Tougou and sent them both rolling on the ground. The gun was knocked out of the man's hands and went skidding. But Choromatsu knew that he was capable of fighting bare handed, compared to he who barely knew anything about throwing punches.

Tougou rolled himself on top of the third son who struggled in his grasp and his fist connected with his jaw. He didn't give Choromatsu anytime to recover as more solid punches were dealt to his face. It hurt like hell and time felt anything but short.

Karamatsu yelled at Ichimatsu to take the rest somewhere safe as he rushed to help the third son. With both their strengths, they were able to push Tougou off of Choromatsu who wasted no time to crawl out of harm's way.

Out of the corner of his eye, he saw Tougou roar defiantly, kicking Karamatsu in the stomach and sending flying halfway across the room. The painful crack that sounded after the harsh landing made everyone's heart stop. It was Todomatsu who screamed, "KARAMATSU-NIISAN!" and ran past Ichimatsu's hold, taking the unconscious brother in his arms.

Choromatsu could barely keep his eyes open after the multiple hits he had taken, but he could still see Karamatsu's seemingly lifeless body a couple of meters away from his. Osomatsu was standing to one side, staring at the events that were unfolding before his eyes, frozen like a statue. The rapid up and down of his chest was the only indication that he was human.

Tougou had seized the opportunity while the others were in shambles to run over and grab the gun from the floor. Choromatsu tried to stand up, found that he couldn't, and fell back down on his bottom.

He felt the coldness of metal on his forehead and looked up to stare at Tougou in the eye.

There was malice. So much malice and hate swirling in his dark pupils that made Choromatsu shiver to the bone. He had never in his entire life had someone hate him as much as this man did. He tried to recall the things he did to land in Tougou's blacklist and came up empty.

 _What had he done? It wasn't him who sent him to prison. It was Osomatsu. So why . . ._

Then his mind came up with the most absurd idea. He had to push this aside a couple of times before finally deciding to dwell and think on it.

The thought made his stomach churn, anger igniting his systems and heating his body up with such fervor. He wasn't even sure if he was right, but just thinking about it was enough for him to gather the courage and ask.

"Are you jealous?"

The look of shock on Tougou's face was enough to confirm Choromatsu's guess. His hold on the gun slipped and he repositioned it again, this time gripping it even tighter. Tougou grabbed him by the collar, pulling him closer despite the gun that was between them.

"What is there to be jealous of?" he hissed, venomous anger evident in his somewhat shaky voice.

Choromatsu was so fucking scared. But his own anger overpowered that of fear. His mind was split in two: one thinking of ways to escape safely with his brothers, and the other wondering if he was strong enough to knock Tougou out.

Instead, he held his ground, keeping his eyes locked on the other's as he spoke calmly, almost as if to a child, "Of me. Of us. You're jealous because we mean more to Osomatsu-niisan than you will ever be."

Osomatsu snapped out of his stupor, stumbling slowly towards the two as he stuttered out, "C-Choromatsu, what, what are you talking about?"

Choromatsu had a moment of doubt. What if what he said wasn't true? What if Tougou actuallymeant more for Osomatsu than they did?

Tougou's eyes seem to darken. For Chromatsu, it was like staring into a black hole that endlessly swirls into oblivion, one that you can't ever get out from. He could see Osomatsu over Tougou's shoulder, brown eyes meeting his. His brother's eyes were nothing like his captor's; they were warm and filled with light as opposed to the darkness that the other held.

Tougou gripped his shirt even tighter, making him look at him again.

"Why would I be jealous of brats like you? I don't even give a fuck about your brother."

"But deep inside, you really do, don't you? That's why you're mad. You're jealous."

"I'm not jealous! I understand you guys aren't smart, but I didn't think you were _this_ dumb and naive. Motherfuckers."

Tougou let out a chocked laugh, pressing the gun even more so into Choromatsu's forehead that it might leave a bruise. Choromatsu bit back back a scream.

"If you really don't care for Osomatsu-niisan, then shoot him."

A chorus of gasps erupted from the door where the others now stood with Ichimatsu and Jyushimatsu in a fight-ready stance, Todomatsu cradling the still unconscious Karamatsu in his arms.

Ichimatsu glared at Tougou, but his words were aimed at his brother, "Choromatsu, don't-"

"WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU LOT? YOU'RE EVEN CRAZIER THAN I EXPECTED! I WON'T HESITATE TO SHOOT YOU ALL TO PROVE MY POINT IF THAT'S WHAT YOU WANT!"

The sudden outburst surprised everyone. Tougou had stood up, hands spread out beside him and gesturing at nothing. The grin that graced his features was too wide, showing off rows of sharp shark-like teeth. His eyes were focused on the ceiling and the way they shone spooked Choromatsu. It was as if he had finally decided to let go of everything he had held in for so long.

"You wanna know why I'm like this? Why I'm a criminal? I had a son years ago; he would have been the same age as you useless NEETS. I lost him because we weren't financially blessed to be able to cure his illness. I lost my wife to the same disease two years after that.

And since then, I swore I would never live that way again, praying every night for any kind of food on the plate or some miracle to help my son and wife. Because prayers and miracles? They don't exist. In this world, you have to do what you have to in order to survive, even if it may hurt others. You have to live for yourself."

His gaze softened and he took a quick glance back at Osomatsu.

"My son . . . He was a lot like this asshole here. So damn lively and annoying. But . . . He was endearing. Sweet. He loved to be complimented, loved to receive praise, that boy. He also knew when he did something wrong and he would even try to deny doing it. Fucking kids. Just can't seem to accept their mistakes.

But in the end, he would be able to make it up and follow through. He was reliable. My whole life depended on him, on his living. And he had so much to live for. But I failed him."

Tougou's crazed smile had been replaced with a grimace throughout the duration of his talk. His wrinkles seemed to grow even deeper as if he aged another ten years just by remembering his past.

It was a lot to take in. Choromatsu definitely never thought about why people did specific things. He had never really cared enough to know these reasons. He always just walked around, judging everyone by their appearance and actions, with the past being a small, insignificant detail to him.

Everyone was in the same state as him, even Osomatsu. The tension in the warehouse was so thick, Choromatsu could barely breathe. Or maybe it was just the guilt that clawed at his lungs and chest.

He started to say, "I-I'm sorry, I didn't know-"

"But over the years, I've stopped caring. I can still remember my first killing. Hah, I was so fucking scared back then. Now? I kill like it's my daily bread. I don't care about anything anymore. That's why, I don't care if I do this."

The gun locked itself on Choromatsu, and then he was cold all over.

He was going to die.

Was he okay with this? Would he really be able to accept his death? He wasn't quite sure.

And then he heard his brothers screams. It sounded so distorted, like he was hearing it thousands of feet under the water. Each of their faces popped into his mind, five identical faces. And then it was his parents, looking at him with such love and compassion in their eyes.

The memories began, quick and fleeting. He tried to hold on to them, tried to feel what he had been feeling in those moments. It was then that he realized that he had never truly _lived._ His adult years had been spent lying around in the house or going to idol concerts. He had never done anything significant in his life.

He was going to die insignificant.

He closed his eyes tight, waiting for the end to come. Hopefully, it wouldn't be that painful. Hopefully, at the very least, he was going to go without feeling anything.

He waited for the bullet 

. . . that never came.

Choromatsu cracked an eye open and was met with the sight of a knife that penetrated itself in Tougou's abdomen. The blade was coated in his dark, thick blood, something Choromatsu would have a very hard time forgetting. Tougou's look of shock turned to that of pain as he doubled over on the ground coughing up more blood.

Osomatsu stood behind him, tears streaking his cheeks, but his eyes said something different. They were cold and brooding, looking down at the man with no emotion at all. This scared Choromatsu so bad, he had to remind himself that this was his older brother. But the brother he knew would never have such a pokerface on, especially not after he's just killed a man.

Slowly, he reached out a hand towards him, saying softly, "Osomatsu-niisan, are you alright?"

This seemed to bring the other back to his senses and he blinked. He looked back down at Tougou, realization dawning on his face.

"Tougou?"

Choromatsu could only stay silent as Osomatsu fell on his knees beside the man, gently rolling him onto one arm. The third son could barely look at the bloodied state he was in, the knife still lodged painfully in his stomach. The rolls of blood that stained his suit and ground was so thick that it was a surprise he was still alive at all.

Tougou's gaze was unfocused on something behind Osomatsu. When he was finally able to meet the other's eyes, he forced a weak smile and said,

"Well, I guess I'll see you in hell, brat."

Osomatsu chuckled bitterly at this.

And, just as fast as he had been stabbed, he was gone. His head hung limply, his eyes closing as his body began to shut down, and in the next few minutes, Osomatsu sat with a cold corpse in his arms.

The room was dead silent. What was supposed to be said? No one made a move and it seemed as if time had stopped.

And then the sobs started. They were soft and quiet at first, forcibly being held back. But then they grew into these deep, pained cries and Osomatsu wa _s holding, holding, holding on, but the body wouldn't move, no it was_ _never_ _going to move again, because he was dead, dead, dead, and Osomatsu would never be able to see him again other than in a coffin a hundred feet below ground and he wasn't sure if he was going to be the same after this, what was he going to do, he killed him, someone he loved he had killed with his own hands, the blood is on his hands, he wouldn't be able to wash it down with simple water and soap, no he would never be able to purify them or the rest of his body, because he was dead, dead, dead and it was his fault, his fault, his fault. . ._

The hand at his shoulder was warm. He felt it through the seemingly hundred layers of cloth that covered his aching body. It seeped through his skin and struck his heart, warming it enough to send heat to the rest of his limbs that had turned as cold as the corpse in his arms.

Choromatsu knelt down beside his brother and slowly, gently, he wrapped his arms around him. He felt the other stiffen, his sobs halting abruptly. Gradually, he began to lean into the embrace, tears flowing even more so down his face and onto the body beneath him.

He felt other arms encircle him, filling the eldest with even more warmth. He thought he might suffocate with how tight they were clutching on to him. It reminded him of how he had felt all those months; trapped, and with nowhere to go. But this time was different. This time, it wasn't the walls of some messed-up love that constricted him, but rather true, unconditional love that kept him grounded and safe.

Osomatsu had always been afraid of losing the people he loved. He would go to the greatest measures if it meant keeping them by his side and it didn't matter to him what certain things he had to do to achieve that.

But now, he thought, maybe it wasn't so bad to lose someone dear to him once in a while.

It made him realize the number of people he had left in his life to love.

Dawn was fast approaching for him and his brothers, but he stayed still, cocooned in their arms and their tears. Dawn was fast approaching and so were the police who were probably already outside. Dawn was fast approaching and Osomatsu had killed a man for the first time in his life, the man he had loved.

Dawn was fast approaching, and yet, despite everything they've gone through, _why did he feel as if he could do it all over again if they had to?_

END.


End file.
